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I learned very early on in my pregnancy that I was, in fact, totally knocked up. We’re talking four weeks pregnant. Got a positive test at five weeks. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: This is one strong baby. Even as I write this, 19 weeks to the day, in the middle of my second trimester, this child of mine is pushing and stretching, as if trying to tell me to give it their space; so ready to experience life and create its’ own agenda–separate from mine.
Well Baby G, you still have another 21 weeks inside me, so get used to it. And I have another week before I get to learn if you’re a boy a girl. Right now, my mother is the only person to know just what kind of genitals I got floating around inside me (and she boasts about it often). She’ll be throwing me a gender reveal party, but until then, I’m clueless to the sex. So I thought I’d search the internet for popular old wives tales to predict the gender.
In this tale, which is apparently very accurate, you look at your first transvaginal ultrasound and see what side of the uterus the baby has attached itself too. If it’s on the left, it’s a girl. On the right, it’s a boy.
2. Which Ovary did you Ovulate from?
I’m not sure where this tale originated from. I didn’t even realize there was a way to track which one you’ve ovulated from, but if you ovulated from the right, it’s a boy. From the left, a girl.
Result: As I only have my left ovary and tube, it’s a Girl.
3. Weight Gain
It’s said if you gain all in the front or your belly, it’s a boy. If you gain everywhere, especially the hips, it’s girl. I’m only halfway there, and I feel I still have a lot a weight yet to be gained. But as of right now, it’s all the front.
This one has a few sub-tales. Are you glowing? Is your skin dry? Do you have acne? I guess I glow but I slab on highlighter like I’m trying to resemble a disco ball. In the start of my pregnancy, my skin was very dry. But I was also very sick and spent the majority of my time at work hogging the toilet, so I was dehydrated often. As of now, my skin has returned to normal and usually tends to be oily. My breakouts are no different from before.
I don’t glow. My skin is oily. Some breakouts.
They say if you have gorgeous tumbling hair, thick and glossy. It’s a boy. If it’s limp and lifeless, you’re having a girl. The only problem is, I’ve always had bombing hair; not trying to toot my own horn. I’ve very blessed to have long thick hair that stays curled for two weeks without touch-ups and an occasional spray of dry shampoo. But it hasn’t dulled which means to me…
6. Carrying High or Low
This one is tough for me, as I’m only half way in. High is said to be a girl. Low is said to be a boy. But I’ve found this test is flipped so many times, I can’t be sure. I’m carrying in the middle anyway.
Result: Alien, especially with how often it’s trying to escape.
7. “Morning” Sickness
Were you extremely sick? Girl. If your merely nauseous, it’s a boy.
8. Have any Headaches?
It’s said if you have abnormally strong headaches, you’re having a boy. For those women who don’t have them( and I’m completely envious of them), you’re having a girl. I was always prone to headaches. Hunger, caffeine, mold, or old prescriptions on my glasses could give me a headache. But, oh boy (pun intended) do these headaches rival those. It makes it difficult to function.
9. Breasts are Different Sizes.
If your left breast is bigger than the right than it’s a girl. If it’s reversed, it’s a boy. Now, pregnancy didn’t cause this. My left breast has always been a cup size bigger than my right. Did my body predict my future child’s gender?
10. Clumsy or Graceful?
Everyone who meets me in person can attest that I am more than clumsy, I am accident prone. My body is usually covered with bruises and cuts. I break things often and have to “Dani Proof” the stock room at work so I don’t injure myself too bad.
But since being knocked up, all that has changed. Dare I say I’m graceful? Which is a sure sign I’m carrying a girl? It could be I’m more careful, and I guard my stomach like any person or thing is a threat!
11. Moody or Calm?
I was an emotional person before the excess of hormones. But I have noticed that silly things could make me cry. My brother threw out Watermelon I was saving, and I was devastated. I was craving Doritos at work and we were sold out. Minor meltdown. My mom’s dog was looking adorable. Waterworks. And I’ve noticed I can become irritated quicker than ever. I’m not an angry or violent person, even though I did threaten to break my coworker’s fingers off if he kept snapping them around me.
12. Mayan Test
This tales uses the age you conceived at and the year the no pants dance ritual took place. If both are odd or even, it’s a girl. If it’s one and the other, it’s a boy. I’m 27 and the year is 2018. Odd and Even.
13. Chinese Prediction Chart.
This chart, which I referenced from the Bump, uses your age and the month the child was conceived. I’m 27 and the month I decided to greet the father beaver first was January.
If we base the gender on the tests, I’m having a girl although it’s a pretty close race. And there’s a slim chance I could be having an alien. Maybe the father became a philosopher simply because it thirsted to know the ways and thoughts of humanity.
It could happen.
SPOILER ALERT: Ultrasound revealed the baby is a girl! Read A Note to my Daughter in Preparation for her Life in a Trump World here.